queer story 5 - sara w
I have always loved to read, I devour whole books in a day (yes I’m a fast reader, and no I don’t skip pages) and during my early teens, I loved nothing more than visiting my Grandparents to go through their well-stocked library. My Gran loved Georgette Heyer and my Grandpa loved thrillers.
While I was browsing the bookshelves I picked up a battered copy of Patricia Highsmith’s Carol, previously known as The Price of Salt. The terrible 90's cover appealed to me, and I loved Strangers on a Train, so I took myself off to the sofa and settled in. I had no idea what I was about to read would have such an enduring effect on me.
It follows the budding relationship between Carol and Therese, the former, an older woman going through a tricky divorce and a younger woman just starting to blossom into the adult she’s destined to become. It’s set in 1950s America and is an incredibly tense and beautiful read about women loving women, but also a look at social conventions and constrictions of the time.
It’s a Lesbian Pulp thriller, but with one difference (spoilers) it gives an open ending that strongly suggests our couple might make a go of it. No one dies, converts to heterosexuality or gets put in an asylum.
I realised I’d never read a happy ending of any kind for women in love, or really anything about women who loved other women (the joys of living under section 28) it stirred something in me. I knew I was different. I had crushes on boys at school, but also girls too, and I had no idea how to process that until this book made me realise, actually that was normal. There was nothing terrible or immoral about it.
Patricia wrote an afterword in the book that she thought the appeal of the book was her two homosexual characters had a chance at a happy ending. The book was a deeply personal one for her, Therese was partly modelled on her and Carol was an amalgamation of Highsmith’s previous lovers, including socialite Virginia Hatherwood who had her child taken away from her after recordings of her and her lesbian lover were made public.
The fact that it was such a personal book for Highsmith is what made it resonate for me. Since then it’s been a book I reread every winter, so I was thrilled when the film version came out in 2016.
It was a time of huge upheaval for me- I’d just come out of an almost 11-year relationship with a lovely man, and publicly declared my queerness to the world, my family and friends, instead of keeping it to myself. I’d started dating women and finally was feeling at home in my own skin.
Watching Rooney Mara’s Therese melt when she first sees Cate Blanchett’s Carol made my heart absolutely soar and I will never forget that feeling of utter joy, watching the book that helped me come to terms with who I am, unfold on screen. Now the film has become part of my winter reread/rewatch tradition too. My thanks to Patricia and Carol for helping me celebrate my own love of and for women.
Sara Westrop is a disabled, queer writer and cat wrangler, who loves writing about the unsung chapters of history. Check out her blog
F Yeah History. and follow her on Twitter: @sarawezzie and @fyeahhistory
queer story is an ongoing narrative on coming out and being part of the queer community
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