failing at failing to grow a lawn

In June, Jackie and I cleared the back corner of the half of the garden of the flat we rent in the hope of growing a lawn instead of the tangled mess of weeds and ivy. I was, I’m afraid to say sure it would fail.

We failed to do several things properly:

  • we failed to clear the ground fully of weeds

  • we failed to turn over the soil properly

  • we failed at not breaking our new gardening fork

  • we failed to create a level surface for the seeds

  • we failed to add enough compost

  • we failed to cover the soil with seeds evenly

  • we failed to cover the seeds with netting to stop the pigeons and the squirrels eating them

  • we failed to always spot when the pigeons and squirrels were eating the seeds and chase them away

  • we failed to water the seeds regularly

  • we failed at seeing the tiny shoots that emerged when we did occasionally remember to water the seeds and trod all over them

  • we failed when we did occasionally remember to water the seeds by using an old 2L coke bottle to dump too much patchy water over them until our neighbour kindly allowed us to use her watering can

  • we failed at taking care of the slim patches of grass that seemingly shot up overnight

  • we failed at noticing how suddenly those patches became recognisable clumps of grass

  • we failed to spot the point when those clump of grass joined up and became a luscious, and what some might call some raggedy, lawn in spite of all we have failed to do

  • we failed to weed it and so the lawn grows taller and more wild every day

  • we fail to care that the lawn is wild and messy because we failed at failing to grow a lawn and that is enough.


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